4.12.2004

Oroborus

And now, from the Dept. of News Redundancy Dept. I give you a newsworthy list of news lists.

General News: Fark is well known for it’s daily postings of news, tidbits and whatnot from around the globe, some of which is interesting and almost all of which is utterly useless. They have forums for every link submitted and also host Photoshop and audio editing contests ala SomethingAwful.com, but with much more suck. On the off chance that you do not know the Internet enough to check Fark every now and then, now you can pretend you aren’t an utter newbie.

Geek News: Slashdot is like fark, but with more pocket protectors. Nearly all of the news has a science bent, with focus placed on digital rights (law, privacy) alternate operating systems, coding and that stuff your pretend not to care about. Useful to check if only to learn that the RIAA is going to sue you or that it is suddenly illegal to talk to people named Mohammed.

Tech News: Gizmodo has the tech info before anyone else so you can covet the absurdly cool or learn what you will soon be blowing a paycheck on. Interesting if only as a source to track really cool technologies that subsequently disappear and go nowhere.

Design News: Yeah, I’m a bitch, but I like my art functional foremost and pretty second. MoCoLoco gives you the best in modern design, from the utterly ridiculous to the obscenely ugly to furniture so beautiful I seriously consider having sex with it. Cool site, but if you start wearing turtle necks and feeling tortured shoot yourself.

Art News: DeviantArt. Awesome art submitted by people like you. All categories from cell phone to photography to painting to poetry. There is some horrible stuff, as any site allowing indiscriminate submittal will have—namely the poetry and the furry art—but the site is surprisingly dominated by really frikken amazing shtuff. Seriously, while a lot of it is overly photoshopped, it is really humbling to realize that print you are drooling over for its sheer genius was painted by a 14 year old Scandinavian girl on a lark.

4.08.2004

Have phone? Will Travel!

Has Cubicle Life gotten you down?

Tired of staring mindlessly at computer monitor filled with uninteresting quarterly reports/database files/goat porn/spreadsheets?

Need to get away from the desk?

Then have me call you!


Yes, here at Jeremiah Can't Get a Hold of Any-Fucking-Body®, LLC., when we call you won't be there!
Boasting a 95% success rate of desk-absence for all people dialed, Jeremiah® also gives a 27.5% chance of creating a rip in the space time continuum, traveling back two weeks and scheduling a vacation for that very day! That's right, have me call you and receive almost a 30% chance of Spontaneous Vacationing!®

But wait, there's more!

For our public servants in local governments and schools, Jeremiah® offers an added option for Obscure Government Holiday and/or Inservice! Yes, you the consumer have not only the chance for Spontaneous Vacationing® but OGHI® as well!

As part of a special promotional offer, for an unlimited time we are also offering the chance to be one of our undisclosed number of winners to receive a Week-long Vacation with your family and all knowledgeable contacts! Three winners so far, more a blasted certainty!

So, if you want to get away from the desk for an indefinite amount of time—to go to the bathroom or Bora Bora—have me call you today.

Repeat customers who leave voicemails while Jeremiah® is on another line leaving a voicemail with another customer receive half-off. Offer not good for idiot receptionists, irrationally angry clerks or senile, elderly relatives who get repeatedly frightened by the mystical voice emanating from the ringing box and hang-up on me.

fuck.