Old theory.

My first CD was Silverchair’s Frogstomp, since stolen. It was purchased in simpler times, when no one really knew CD’s were grossly overpriced, when I was in high school and had a job but no expenses, and when I was stupid enough to spend $16 for two or three good songs.

Since then I have only purchased CD’s which are great either in their entirety or, at most, have one or two mediocre songs (Maroon 5’s Songs about Jane, Tenacious D’s self-titled, Sheila Nicholls’ Brief Strop, the High Fidelity soundtrack).

Today, for reasons to tedious to go into, I revisited a theory I made in high school, which applied then and I am uncertain if it applied now.

To support my proposition have I selected, randomly, the tracklistings of five CD’s I purchased during my formative years, showing that in only one instance did my collection deviate from my little number conspiracy. The margin of error is personal taste, as I am certain somebody else liked one of the fetid pieces of crap lodged between the two or three gems. I am not certain if this issue has been visited before by a music critic or other interweb denizen, but link to it if it has.

My theory was thus: music released by one hit wonders and/or schlock artists who regurgitate “music” on a biannual basis will have a bare minimum of “good” music to sell their CD. With little variance these songs will be found on tracks 2 and 5 and/or 7. The rest is mediocre at best and is normally skipped during playback by all but the most diehard of fans. Exception: track 11 will either be pretty damn good or the worst piece of crap.

1) Live’s Throwing Copper
1. The Dam At Otter Creek
2. Selling The Drama
3. I Alone
4. Iris
5. Lightning Crashes
6. Top
7. All Over You
8. Shit Towne
9. T.B.D.
10. Stage
11. Waitress
12. Pillar Of Davidson
13. White, Discussion
14. Untitled
“Selling the Drama” was, in a way, the title piece. “Lightning Crashes” was the best rock song, outside of Gwar, to use the word “placenta.” “All Over You” was one of my personal favorites, you might have to listen to it before you recognize it. I don’t even frikken remember the rest.
Listen to samples here.

2) Eve 6’s self-titled
1. How Much Longer
2. Inside Out
3. Leech
4. Showerhead
5. Open Road Song6. Jesus Nitelite
7. Superhero Girl
8. Tongue Tied
9. Saturday Night
10. There's a Face
11. Small Town Trap
This CD only had two songs I actually listened to: “Inside Out,” the chart-topping junior high poetry exercise I bought it for and “Open Road Song” which I still really like.
Listen to samples here.

3) The Verve Pipe’s VillansTracks:1. Barely (If At All)
2. Drive You Mild
3. Villians
4. Reverend Girl
5. Cup Of Tea
6. Myself
7. The Freshmen
8. Photograph
9. Ominous Man
10. Real
11. Penny Is Poison
12. Cattle
13. Veneer
A lot of people may argue for any of the other tracks, especially “Photograph,” but personally The Verve Pipe’s brand of heavy handed metaphor is a sort of music I can only listen to so much of before getting a headache, like RadioHead. I like them just fine, but they’re like musical wasabi. I think 2 and 5 were underrated, and I swear I’m not just saying that to support my theory. I didn’t like 8, and the only other one I might admit to liking is 11, the track number wildcard.
Listen to samples here.

4) Silverchair’s Frogstomp
1. Israel's Son
2. Tomorrow
3. Faultline
4. Pure Massacre
5. Shade
6. Leave Me Out
7. Suicidal Dream
8. Madman
9. Undecided
10. Cicada
11. Findaway
Try as I might, I really can’t remember why I bought this CD, especially as my first. I know nothing of the band and never looked for them again—the only thing I can guess is I saw a classmate with the fold out Warholian Frog poster in the CD booklet and thought “Hey, I identify strongly with quad-colored amphibians.
2 and 5 are ones I often programmed on my Sony Discman, barely edging out 4. “Suicidal Dream” was the anthem of high school Jeremiah: angsty narcissist.
Listen to samples here.

5) Stone Temple Pilots’ Core

1. Dead and Bloated
2. Sex Type Thing

3. Wicked Garden
4. No Memory
5. Sin
6. Naked Sunday
7. Creep8. Piece of Pie
9. Plush
10. Wet My Bed
11. Crackerman
12. Where the River Goes
Besides confusing me the first time I saw a NASCAR race, STP offers the only deviance in my random sampling. “Sex Type Thing” and “Creep” were perennial favorites, but nothing beat the parent-frightening intro to “Dead and Bloated.”
Listen to samples here.

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