Fun facts about tasers.
  • Actually an acronym for Thomas A. Swift's Electric Rifle, proving that you too can have the futuristic devices of the 1950's. Also proves that weapons manufacturers are sadistic fucks.
  • A taser, versus a stun gun, actually shoots two sharp barbs (often straightened fish hooks) up to 50 feet connected to copper leads. The farther apart these barbs land on the body, the farther the current travels and the more it hurts--6 inches is recommended an effective distance. Effective shots can be made by merely getting an attackers thumbs.
  • The average output is 50,000 volts. It is, however, current, not voltage that determines electricity's fatality. Voltage merely hurts like a bitch.
  • The recommended duration of a jolt is 5 seconds. People have passed out from the pain after 2.
  • I got 5 seconds with a barb spread of approximately 12 inches.
  • There is a half second when you think you can fight through it, but then that moment is over and you'll never know if you could fight it because 1)Dear sweet god the pain and 2) You'll never ever want to do it again. In that way it is kind of like circumcision.
  • Any incapacitating weapon is dangerous, but tasers are actually quite safe. Few fatalities exist and they are even relatively safe for weak hearts, as their output is less than that of a defibrillator, which pacemakers have to be able to withstand.
  • That said, they are a lot worse than a cow fence and ouch.
  • A video of my electric torture is available for viewing.

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