In a surprise upset in last night's featherweight division qualifying rounds, Midget Alien (8", 2
lbs) knocked Jeremiah Britt (5'11", 140 lbs) flat in a record-setting 5 seconds, destroying the previous record of 10.5 seconds set in 1946 by Aurele "Al" Couture.
The sound of the bell still rang in the air as Jeremiah hit the mat, after one light glancing blow from Midget, who claimed he was merely feinting when Jeremiah stepped into it.
"Pathetic," he added.
The crowd, not knowing what to make of these developments, fell into a shocked silence before erupting into a 15 hour riot, killing seven.
Truly, this will be known as "The Tap Heard Round the World".
Jeremiah remains in critical condition, and while he cannot be reached for comment, his girlish sobbing is easily audible to the crowd of press gathered outside George Washington University Hospital.
Midget Alien is set to fight Rock-I-Found-in-the-Garden next Tuesday at the Verizon Center in a match sure to last at least a minute.