2.11.2007

Midget Alien humilates Jeremiah in the ring!

In a surprise upset in last night's featherweight division qualifying rounds, Midget Alien (8", 2
lbs) knocked Jeremiah Britt (5'11", 140 lbs) flat in a record-setting 5 seconds, destroying the previous record of 10.5 seconds set in 1946 by Aurele "Al" Couture.
The sound of the bell still rang in the air as Jeremiah hit the mat, after one light glancing blow from Midget, who claimed he was merely feinting when Jeremiah stepped into it.
"Pathetic," he added.

The crowd, not knowing what to make of these developments, fell into a shocked silence before erupting into a 15 hour riot, killing seven.

Truly, this will be known as "The Tap Heard Round the World".

Jeremiah remains in critical condition, and while he cannot be reached for comment, his girlish sobbing is easily audible to the crowd of press gathered outside George Washington University Hospital.

Midget Alien is set to fight Rock-I-Found-in-the-Garden next Tuesday at the Verizon Center in a match sure to last at least a minute.

2.06.2007

The last thing I ate was carrot cake

Normally, about this time, I am feigning sleep: bus seat reclined, earbuds in, cap pulled low. I do this so I don't have to interact with this group of familiar strangers. So they don't comment on the weather, don't ask me to put my seat up, don't ask "Is that one of those iPods?"
Shit. I din't realize how much the bus moved. Hard to write. Of course, it's always hard for me to write, physically at least. I still write like the consummate teacher's pet, hand curled over, covering, smearing my words. Fingers tight and cramping after only a few sentences. I don't hold the pen, I throttle it.
Write, damn you.
If this is ever found, if the finder can read my scrawl, s/he will see just another mundane journal, true life colored by the small narcissistic lies that tint our perceptions of grandeur and paranoia. OR maybe they'll see another mediocre manuscript, rambling and pointless, lies shaped by truths poorly hidden by the writer. Or maybe they will see garbage and throw it away.
Of course, as you already know, all three hypothetical finders will be 100% correct.