12.23.2009

Language Barrier

MartiniThis parking lot sucks. They could add another row of spaces and actually plow it effectively, but no, the county probably didn't want an 'ugly' parking lot in the middle of nowhere, so they have to put trees all over it. Parking lots are for cars.

WineYes. Because what are trees good for?

MartiniTrees in the woods are great. These are useless. Algae does most of the work converting CO2 to O2 anyway. These aren't even habitats for animals, and if they are, the animals just shit all over the cars.

WineYou have a lot of anger about trees.

MartiniFuck trees.

WineYou want to fuck trees? Are you a druid?

MartiniWhat?

WineDruids have sex with trees.

MartiniNo, that would be dendrophilia. What are you talking about?

WineDruids live in trees.

MartiniNo, that's dryads.

WineThen what are druids?

MartiniWhat? Are you joking? I am going to stab you in the throat.

Wine[blank, innocent look]

MartiniStonehenge. Elder Futhark. Old gods and paganism.

WineOh. So they do want to have sex with trees. Crazy Wiccans. Hot Topic.

Martini[raving froth of rage]

P.S. I need someone to draw me an angry martini and a glass of wine that pretends to not know what words mean because it thinks an angry martini is HILARIOUS.

3 comments:

Matthew Abel said...

Couldn't you just add another olive so the toothpicks cross?

Trees in parking lots provide shade in the summertime. No real use in winter, though. People lose the sense of parking in winter, anyway. The absence of visible lines means they think four feet is a good distance from the car next to them.

Jeremiah Britt said...

Good idea about the olives. Any clues on how to make the wine glass look like a smarmy wife?

It's a commuter bus/carpool lot. Most people drop off and pick up their vehicles at times when the temperature is at its lowest during the day, rendering any benefit of shade pretty much moot.

I stand by my Trees=Jerks position.

Autumn Britt said...

Smarmy? I mean really.